Journal Day #1

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Today I’m linking up with Danielle of Sometimes Sweet for a feature she’s bringing back to life: Journal Day. The idea really appealed to me, I write a diary myself and I always loved going back to school after the holidays and getting to write all about what I’d been up to. I expect this will give me the same sort of feeling.

Does it sound like something you’d fancy joining in with? If so, Danielle will be posting a prompt every Sunday evening on her blog and the idea is you link back with your post on Thursdays. I can’t wait to see how everyone else responds to this week’s prompt, which is:

Everyone has a time in their life they view as a crossroad. Sometimes you can see it as it’s happening, and you’re able to choose one way or another. Other times you may not realize you’re there until you look back, and see what a turning point it really was. This week, write about a time you view as a marker in your life; a distinct place where things changed, for better or worse. 

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We are calling this our transitional period. What we’ve left behind was sometimes horrible, difficult, but mostly just dull. Just downright boring in its drudgery, in its meaninglessness. A fuzzy, grey existence. Numbness. We were worker drones in a hive. Buzzing busily around, doing the same unimportant task day after day after day. It was draining and wearying in its monotony. Especially unsettling because we knew it just was not for us. Wasn’t where or what we wanted to be. Wasn’t even getting us closer to anything like the ideal picture in our minds of what our lives should be like. It was treading water, constantly moving, struggling, just to keep our heads above the surface but not getting us anywhere. Then, one day, we just started swimming. We looked at each other, realised we wouldn’t be here forever. Time was tick, tick, tocking away and with it our window in which to make a meaningful change. “Let’s just go”, you said, “this existence isn’t for us, something better is going to happen, soon”, and off we swam. People said it was stupid to swim when we couldn’t even tell what we were swimming towards. There was no shoreline in sight. Best just keep treading water and wait for a boat to rescue us, maybe. At times it felt like people secretly wanted us to drown, to grow so exhausted from swimming that we just stopped and sank to the seabed to teach us a lesson: you would have been safer if you stayed where you were. People love to say I told you so. But, if we all stay together and keep treading water it is unlikely that anything wonderful will ever happen.

We were not for waiting and waiting and waiting to be rescued. We were not for staying safe in return for only living a half-life. A life that was mainly alright but occasionally made you wake up with that cold, heavy sense of dread, resting at the bottom of your stomach. Why allow ourselves to experience that when it’s unnecessary, I wondered. Why do we put ourselves through this when the cure is so obvious?

We decided to swim and to keep on swimming until we reached something better. We are still out here in the sea, fighting the waves, soldiering on and on and on. It feels endless on some days. Relentless. Overwhelming. It is difficult and wearying at times. Sometimes it’s harder and more worrying than treading water was before. But, every so often a wave surges underneath us and lifts us up, up so we can see over the grey-green surface of the water and far away in the distance, on the horizon, we catch a glimpse of the solid, sandy shoreline. These glimpses are fleeting and few and far between but the hope is not lost. The memory sticks with us whilst we swim and swim and swim towards the shore. Working towards something better with every stroke. It’s a vision we never would have seen had we kept treading water. It’s exhilarating to think that every day we are taking measured steps to get closer to our goal, our hopes, our dreams.

The hardest part was deciding to take the risk. Being brave. Once you have found the courage once, once you have decided, all you have to do is keep moving forwards, towards your goal. I won’t pretend that it’s all downhill. It most certainly isn’t. It’s uphill, it’s hard but we’re going somewhere and it’s worth it.

I suppose we are smack bang in the middle of our crossroad right this second. Too far away from the past to go back but not close enough to the future to know exactly what it will be and when it will happen. Time to just keep moving forward.

We are not there, we might not even be close, we may never ultimately get there but I take comfort in the fact that we decided to do it, and we’re heading in the right direction.

 

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3 responses »

  1. To me it feels like every moment of your life is a crossroad. Every day there is something that you will do that could change your life. Especially with the internet. You can read something that will change you forever, or meet someone new that will change you forever. It’s just all about letting it happen and embracing change whether it ends up to be a good thing or bad thing.
    Thanks for sharing! Your writing reall paints a picture for me.

  2. Pingback: Monday Blues Banishers #5 | Girl With Fringe

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